I don't recall the inspiration for this discussion, but I still think it would be an interesting discussion for us. Ironically, my wife told me that the movie "Babies" was available via OnDemand tonight. For those unfamiliar with the movie, it tracks four babies from around the world from birth to first steps. But don't be misled. I'm not suggesting you give birth in Namibia.

My curiousity is a bit more simplistic. Where did you choose to give birth in your community? Was it a hospital? At home? Outdoors? In a taxi? Cell block D?

As I contemplated the question, I recalled the many discussions my wife and I had when it came to the birth of our son. Many of those discussions centered around the faith we had in Western medicine. For all of its advances and wonders, we weren't enthralled with the wires, monitors, rules, and restrictions imposed by our local hospitals. And for most of the pregnancy (with the notable exception of our great OB/GYN, Dr. John King), Western medicine had nearly killed my wife and my unborn child. Multiple times.

Our analysis of various options led us to a compromise. We wanted to be as natural as possible, mostly for the benefit of our son. You're only born once and we wanted his experience to be safe, awe inspiring, and loving. My wife had also become a skilled practicioner in the art of hypnobirthing so we needed to ensure a relaxing environment for her as well. In the end we chose to give birth in the safety of a hospital so long as they adhered to our requirements for peace and natural birth. As you may assume, it was no easy task. Hospital staff and I regularly butted heads as they refused to honor their previous promises, make unnecessary yet extremely profitable demands, and...this is not a joke...kick us out of the hospital -seven hours into labor- for refusing a c-section. (If you aren't versed in the art of medical billing, c-sections reap much higher payouts for the doctors than vaginal births which is why the c-section rate in America is now approximately two-thirds of all births.)

Despite her 31 hours of labor, my wife was sleeping through most of it (even contractions) and had a very relaxing experience. I nearly threw a nurse. But our son was born healthy and we had the security of knowing that if something went wrong we had good medical care available.

But that's my story. I've got cousins who have given birth at home in a pool of water surrounded by friends and family. I've got friends who demanded drugs, gave birth in hospitals hooked up to more machines than a car going for a smog test, and wouldn't hesitate to do it that way again. And there are plenty of others who fall somewhere in the middle.

Please share your experience and why you made the choices you did. There are plenty of expectant fathers reading this who would love a few voices of experience.

For the non-mathamatically inclined, the article title says "Mommy Greater Than Daddy". It is an accurate reflection of my son's current attitude. As President Obama would say right about now, "let me be clear": he still loves me and smiles from ear to ear when I get home. But with less than two years of life under his belt, my beloved son has hit that necessary but hard to endure stage of preferring one parent over the other.

For the past few weeks his sleeping habits have been a bit off. Actually, that is a very gentle way of saying he's refusing to go to bed, wants stories read 10 times each, claims to be hungry and thirsty, and most importantly "mommy". When she and I leave the room and he's wailing like a torture victim, if I'm the first one to try and comfort him I get the heartwarming response of "Daddy no".

Ouch.

He only screams for her. According to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, MD, in Touchpoints: Birth to Three, a child not yet two years old only has the capacity to truly learn from one parent at a time. He is attempting to learn everything they do -from facial expressions to sounds and gestures- and simply can't watch two adults at the same time.

That makes sense to me and I knew this phase would come eventually. But it still stings a bit because as a working parent, I value the small amounts of time I have with my child. I come home, forget about work, leave the iPhone on the dresser and spend time with the boy. I understand its a matter of patience. This too shall pass and soon enough he'll reject his mother and love my attention. (Sorry. I love you honey.)

I started thinking about the future and knowing that although this phase is temporary, it isn't alone...

Age 1: "Daddy no."
Age 7: "I only want MOMMY!"
Age 17: "Do I have to admit we're related?"

Eh, I'll still love him.

As I look back on it during this fresh morning, I still hold the opinion that my two-year-old son had a great day yesterday. His behavior was positive, he ate well, he spent some valuable time with extended family, he didn't get injured (a miracle on its own), and he experienced new things (first ride on Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland). As a Dad, days like those give me a wonderful feeling of "nachas" (Yiddish word meaning joy or pride).

So what am I doing wrong? You see, in addition to being very proud of my son and enjoying the great day I had with him and my wife, I also had a Thanksgiving moment. By that I mean while I was thankful for what I have, I also thought of the flip side of the coin. As parents, we love to think about and talk about the moments of pride we experience with our kids:

"Oh, wasn't Billy excellent at the party? He was polite and shared with the other children!"
"Yeah, she's a doctor now. We must have done something right."
"Omar was just promoted again. He's now head of the entire janitorial department at Microsoft. He learned his work ethic from me!"

Rarely do we have those educational moments (for ourselves and other parents) that go like this:

"Micah's rap sheet got a bit longer last night. I just wished I was more supportive of him in school all those years ago."
"My daughter has horrible table manners. I'm sorry about your dishes! I should have known that ''I'll let her do whatever she wants as long as she eats' isn't really a good excuse when they're twelve."
"My son is up to 300lbs. now. Maybe sending him to school everyday with soda and a brownie was a bad idea."

I think parents have always been defensive about themselves and their choices. Heaven help someone who calls our parenting ability into question. Ironically, EVERY parent in the world has cast doubt upon another.

"They just don't hold that baby right."
"Have you seen how much of a momma's boy he is? She probably hugged him too much as a child."
"I've always known that kid would end up in jail. His parents let him get away with everything."
"Did you ever meet Mrs. Manson? All that stuff in the news about Charlie is no suprise to us!"

How often do you question your own choices? We've all experienced moments of despair when we can't get the crying child to feel better or the grades just never seem to improve in school. But when those moments come, are you really analyzing your own behavior or simply feeling sorry for yourself? I think its important to truly be introspective and remember that we only get one shot at this. There is no going back to yesterday. We can only move forward. (If I think of any more clichés, I'll let you know.)

Our kids depend on us for many years to make the right choices and help them develop into positive, social, ready-to-face-the-world adults. I think we owe it to them to consider suggestions given by other parents; analyze our own choices when they have negative results; and think about long-term effects of short-term actions. I don't want to imply that any parent has all the answers or that you should constantly question yourself. Well, not constantly. Sometimes parents make executive decisions and they must be made right then-and-there, let the chips will fall where they may. But that doesn't prevent us from reflecting later.

Our careers as parents are educational for our children. They should be educational for us as well. When you wrote "2+2=5" on your first math test, the teacher said you got it wrong. Do you want to keep writing "5" as the answer forever?

These are frightening numbers to look at as a father. Somewhere in the U.S. today, there is a newly divorced father facing his final hearing in a family court room. A judge is making a decision that will change the time that the father will spend with his children forever.

Back in 1999, all I got was 30% custody. As I look back on my own experience, all I can remember is feeling so desperate and angry that the courts gave me a custody schedule of 30% out of a possible 100%. My life had changed in an instant. It just seemed so unfair. I can also remember the advice my attorney told me over and over again. “This is just the beginning custody schedule; through your time and effort, things will change… Just bite your tongue, make every effort to be available for your kids and we can always re-petition for more time”. Times have changed in some courts, but for most newly divorced fathers, it’s still a shock to see how little time they get in their custody agreement.

Something We Take for Granted.

This article is not about the injustice I was served or the fact that I overcame all of my obstacles to obtain 50/50 joint custody. This article is about the time, or the lack of quality time, that single parents have with our children and what we need to do to remind ourselves how to make the best of what we have. A friendly reminder to all single parents, both fathers and mothers, who need to remember a few things about the children we brought into this world. Children don’t choose divorce, adults do. Divorce affects the lives of fathers, mothers, children and the precious clock that ticks from the moment the final divorce papers are signed.

Do You Know Why I Am the Luckiest Dad in the World?

I still randomly pose this question to my children as I am driving them to school. What makes this question special is that it gives me the opportunity to be PRESENT to our situation. “I am the luckiest father in the world because I have a child like you. I am blessed with three children who are beautiful, smart, good citizens, goods students, honest, healthy, happy, friendly and respectful”. I make sure I reinforce good behavior and communicate what my expectations are of them each and every day. I make sure to let them know that every day counts.

When I ask the question out loud, it gets mixed results. It’s amazing that generosity has a karmic response and I gauge how I am doing as a father based on how my children respond. “Because you have a daughter like me and you are a good dad…” is a common response. Occasionally, I will get a few giggles and some sarcastic remarks from my teenagers. They will say something like, “What, you are our father?” or something like, “I guess you are just a lucky dad”. Nothing better than a little humor, I always say. Parents of divorce are often too serious and these responses have taught me a lot about the power of humor. Laughter and having a sense of humor with your single Parent family is important, especially for Fathers.

A Family That Cooks Together, Creates Memories

When I first started cooking, I had my kids in the kitchen with me experimenting with different recipes. I made sure that I gave them 100% of my attention while we were preparing the meal. Sometimes, I felt that having everybody in the kitchen together gave us the extra bonding time we needed; away from the TV, cell phones, the radio and other distractions. There is something special about the kitchen and the teamwork exhibited during the times when I was newly divorced. No fighting, no fussing; just laughter and bonding. It didn’t matter what we made for dinner and sometimes the meal even turned out horribly. We laughed and made fun of ourselves and it brought us closer together. What was special was that we just had “family time” to be and act normal. Those memories that we shared in the kitchen and at the dinner table will remain with me forever.

Stop the Play Dates and Sleepovers

I wasn’t afraid of putting my foot down early in my custody battle. For some newly divorced parents, there are struggles with scheduling kids’ school and social activities around joint custody schedules. I made sure that I made my voice clear about scheduling activities on “My Weekends” vs. “Her Weekends”. At one point, I remember having a meeting with my ex-wife and explaining the importance of not having so many scheduled “To Do’s” for our kids. What’s the point of having children when all we are doing is shuttling them from one activity to another?

I know I didn’t make any friends with this opinion. I almost became ex-communicated from the neighborhood play groups. The “Anti-social Daddy” was my name until one of my daughter’s play-friend’s parents went through a bitter, ugly divorce. I remember the father came up to me and said, “Man, I had you all wrong for limiting your kids’ schedules. I didn’t understand what you were up against with all of these activities until now. I am newly divorced and my ex-wife is scheduling all of these activities on my dates. All I want to now is hunker down and keep my kids all to myself!” Sometimes, you just have to cherish the time you have with your kids and keep them all to yourself. Take a stand. As a reminder to the newly divorced parent: they are your children too!

365, 182 or Less…

I am now at that stage where this number becomes even more important, and smaller. There are only so many holidays that I get to play “Santa” and “Tooth Fairy”. No matter how you look at this fact, my days are numbered, and so are yours. Unless you have figured out a way to reverse the aging process, your children are growing older by the day. And if you have joint custody, those holidays are getting fewer and fewer. We all will soon be replaced by someone else that gives our children the love, trust, honesty and respect that they all deserve in their adult lives.

The point I am trying to make is this; whether you are like me or not, the simple fact is that we have to cherish every moment while we can. The courts have decided our custody, and it is what we do with that time that makes all the difference in the world. I am still a hopeless optimist and believe that I am making a difference every day in shaping the lives of my children. I know I do many silly things in my daily routine that will make you question my sanity. I still wake up early in the morning to make each of my children their own school lunch because somehow, I feel like I am making a difference by setting a positive example. Never mind me; this is also about you making the time count. What’s important, in all the insanity of parenting, is to believe. Believe that you can make every minute count in a positive way so that our children of divorce will hold happy memories and not bitter memories of the relationship with their parents. Make every minute count and look at each day as just a grain of sand in a very large and endless beach. You can always start now and you can always make a difference today… the choice is yours.

This single Mom has been discharged from the U.S. Army for failing to deploy with her unit to Afghanistan and claiming that her family plan had fallen through and no one would have been left to care for her 10-month-old son Kamani.

Situations such as these can be easy to misjudge at first glance. A knee-jerk reaction could be applauding her for choosing family over a job obligation. But it isn't quite that simple. Personnel in the U.S. military are required to do as ordered. Without that basic premise, no military can function. If soldiers decided to do as they pleased instead of as they are required, our nation would be defenseless. We would still have British accents and bow to the Queen. Or perhaps speak German or Japanese and a select few would be kindly asked to wear cute little yellow patches.

When (now) Private Hutchinson enlisted, she signed a document stating she would ensure a family plan for the care of her son. She also signed a document promising to deploy when ordered to do so. And according to the Army, their investigation has proven that she never intended to deploy and was using her son as an excuse.

If she was unable to follow orders, she put herself and her unit in jeopardy. They must now replace her role in the unit with another soldier who was going to be tasked elsewhere. She is forcing another parent into danger so that she can let everyone down.

I sincerely hope she is a great Mom and has lots of quality time with her son. But she just served as a poor example of leadership, responsibility, and mature behavior.