BOOK REVIEW: Father and Child Reunion, by Warren Farrell, Ph.D.

This book review has been a long time coming. Dr. Farrell was kind enough to send a copy and I couldn't wait to begin. Just before making contact with Dr. Farrell, the ProActiveDads team was beginning to think about a set of principles or guidelines that defined (in bullet point format) what we were about. What we were trying to accomplish. After reading this book, that task became much easier. With each turn of a page, I was engrossed with new facts, new ideas, new statistics, and new revelations about fatherhood and our perception in this world. To sum it up: this book is our bible. This book is our mission.

Dr. Farrell has amassed an amazing collection of statistics about fatherhood, families, divorce, children, and the media. It was this collection that largely made the book so fascinating and easy to read. For example, did you know that young MEN in the workplace are more willing than women to give up pay for more time with their family? Or that 90 percent of runaway or homeless children come from fatherless homes? We didn't, but now we do.

As fathers read this book, they should become more empowered and excited about their roles as dads. It clearly and overwhelmingly defines the importance of our choices as well as the consequences of our failures. The book is an open discussion of the things dads do that lead to successful children. Doctor Farrell paints a clear picture of being a role model and the necessity of maturity and leadership in the family. And through the data presented, we -the reading fathers- can learn from the mistakes of others and do our best to give our children and families wonderful opportunities.

Father and Child Reunion is one of seven titles from Dr. Farrell focusing on men and our positions in society. He has proven himself to be an advocate for our gender as well as promoter of fairness for our families. I read the reviews and praise and was pleased to see so many women in favor of his opinions and approach. But I confess to being a bit surprised as I made my way through the book. There were many facts -entire sections even- that I did not want to share with my wife. At first glance, the tone seemed to be almost "anti-Mom" in his presentation. The facts about child murder and abuse were especially enlightening. I thought, "this guy served on the Board for N.O.W.?!" But as the days went on, I realized my first impression was wrong. He wasn't promoting fathers above mothers, but breaking down the stereotypes that so many of us have (myself included) and showing the equality and importance that both parents play in the lives of children. He demonstrated in vivid detail that hurting one member of a family hurts all members of a family.

A great portion of the book deals with the impact of disagreement, divorce, and false assumptions about dads. And it explores those issues from a multitude of aspects including children, moms, wives, husbands, judges, attorneys, and the media. If you are a parent who has experienced divorce (your own or your parents'), you must read this book. If you are currently going through divorce, you really must read this book. Buy a copy for your attorney at the same time. It will be the best investment you could make.

By now, I hope it goes without saying that we recommend this book with complete enthusiasm. It would be a super gift for any Dad. You can purchase the book and learn more about Dr. Farrell at www.WarrenFarrell.com.

This man is taking one small step for dads, one giant leap for mankind. His name is Mirko Fischer and he was recently subjected to a British Airways POLICY in which all men are assumed to be sexual predators. According to BA, men can not be seated next to children who aren't related to them. He was flying BA slated for an aisle seat and his pregnant wife was in the window seat. A child they were not related to -but who's parents were also on the plane- was seated between them. An flight attendant noticed this and asked Mr. Fischer to move. He objected. After a bit of loudness and threats from the attendant, Mr. Fischer eventually moved.

However, he is now suing the airline and has made the following arguments: "A plane is a public place  -  cabin crew regularly walk down the aisles and passengers are sat so close to each other. The risk of any abuse is virtually zero.

"Furthermore statistically children are far more likely to be abused by a member of their family. Does that mean that BA are going to ban children sitting next to their own parents?"

This is yet another example of bias against men and fathers. This is why we have such a difficult time becoming teachers, social workers, or daycare providers. This is why men are eyed with suspicion when taking their own children to the park. This is why only "choosy Moms" choose Jif. Dads are viewed by much of corporate America as second-class parents and perverts. We hope more of them hear the points Mr. Fischer made.

If you would like to send British Airways your opinion, please contact:

UK:
British Airways Customer Relations (S506)
PO Box 5619
Sudbury
Suffolk
CO10 2PG

US:
British Airways Customer Relations USA
PO Box 690098
East Elmhurst,
NY 11369-0098
Email Customer Relations

Source article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1243625/Businessman-Mirko-Fischer-sues-British-Airwars-treating-men-like-perverts.html

Update (Jan. 27, 2010): Edwards infidelity has now fractured his family. According to her sister, John and Elizabeth have split. None of his children will have a cohesive set of parents. Way to go Senator.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/01/27/edwards.split/index.html?hpt=T2

Original blog post: It seems almost decades ago that Sen. John Edwards was the golden boy of politics. He had the charm, positive message, and squeeky clean image that nearly propelled him to the White House. He even tugged at the heart strings by "helping" his wife Elizabeth as she courageously battled breast cancer.

But, that was oh so long ago. Now we have just another example of power leading to corruption. It seems he was unable to be the morally sound, religiously humbled, and emotional bulwark he wanted us to believe. He had an affair with a married staff member while his wife was being treated for cancer, he tried to bribe her husband to keep it quiet, and he denied the child he created.

Millions of men around the world fight to prove their paternity of a child on a daily basis. They want to step up and not only be a father and take on that mantle of responsibility, but be recognized for such a noble role. Courts, spouses, and the media throw obstacles in their way that are nearly unimaginable to those who have not experienced the system. They are denied a basic yet critical role of fatherhood. Despite all of that, John Edwards, a man who has drafted legislation which impacts family court proceedings and funding, had the nerve to stand before the world and deny his role, his obligation, and the child herself. Sen. Edwards uttered this phrase about the war while campaigning, "I was wrong to vote for this war. Unfortunately, I'll have to live with that forever. And the lesson I learned from it is to put more faith in my own judgment." Respectfully Senator, your judgment remained flawed long after the decision to invade.

Via released press statement, he has admitted today -nearly three years after her conception- that he is indeed the father. "It was wrong for me ever to deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me". To deny paternity can be extremely confusing and disappointing to a child. It brings a barrage of questions about self worth, importance within the family, external perception, and a need to prove something. She can now wonder why her father chose politics and popular opinion over her. He chose his career and "other" family over her. He was proud enough to claim paternity of his children with Elizabeth, but not her. The psychological impact can be astounding. Is someone ever able to understand that?

Unfortunately for the little baby now trapped amidst the poor decisions of adults, her mother seems to be of little moral help. Rielle Hunter was a married women who carried out an affair with a married man and, like Sen. Edwards, wasn't intelligent enough to prevent a pregnancy. Their juvenile thinking produced...well...a juvenile!

The media will do nothing to help anyone in this situation. They will continue to exacerbate the drama with little concern for its real and long-term impact. They will punish and humiliate Sen. Edwards far more harshly than Ms. Hunter. (Another example of an anti-male and anti-dad bias.) And worst of all, they will haunt the young girl who is innocent in all of this and ensure a far distance from anything resembling a normal and healthy childhood.

Finally accepting responsibility is a positive step from Sen. Edwards and we hope he continues to have many more and makes every effort to be a strong male role model for his newest child.

Source article: http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/01/21/edwards.baby/index.html?hpt=T2

Graco Children's Products announces recall of approximately 1.5 million strollers.

CNN article: http://money.cnn.com/2010/01/20/news/companies/Graco_stroller_recall/index.htm?hpt=T2
Consumer Product Safety Commission announcement: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml10/10115.html

Recalled items: Graco Passage™, Alano™ and Spree™ Strollers and Travel Systems

The recalled strollers were sold at Babies "R" Us, Toys "R" Us, Kmart, Sears, Target, Walmart and other retailers nationwide from October 2004 and December 2009.

According to a Cambridge University psychologist, children with homosexual parents are no less adjusted than children with heterosexual parents. Michael Lamb, who heads the Department of Social and Developmental Psychology at Cambridge claims "studies have found children do not require both a male and female parent," and that this fact is documented by "broad research".

This claim seems to fly in the face of every piece of research I've seen on the issue. Children of functional heterosexual couples seem to do much better socially and psychologically, as opposed to single-parent families, when receiving the unique approach of a male and female parent. As we have stated again and again, Moms and Dads do things differently and each has valuable lessons to impart upon a child.

Also disturbing about this piece of news is why it was being considered during the arguments about gay marriage. When last I checked, California's Proposition 8 law said nothing of adoption or a right to be a parent. It's sole focus was marriage. But, as usual, we're grouping children in with marriage and that is a dangerous correlation in this matter.

Children are being used as pawns, just as they are so often in family court. If two men or women want to get married, that is a matter of public law and religious dogma (if the couple is spiritual in any sense). Getting married requires a license. Becoming a parent does not. Our society has proven that just about any idiot can do it!

A debate such as this opens the door to government intervention on heterosexual couples' ability to parent. The State could become the deciding factor on whether or not you are able to procreate. Sound like fun? While they already do that in instances of adoption, that is understandable because you are talking about the literal purchase of a child. It may sound harsh or a bit strange, but that is what occurs. A couple spends a lot of money to acquire a child birthed by someone else. Now imagine the State regulating all aspects of parenting. "Oh, we're so sorry. Your S.A.T. scores weren't very high. You might make a stupid baby. Application for boinking denied!"

We would like to know your thoughts on these issues. Should parenting be part of the gay marriage debate? Do you believe the children of heterosexual and homosexual couples have the same chance of being "well adjusted"? Leave your comments below.

Source article: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/01/children-thrive-equally-with-same-sex-heterosexual-parents-psychologist-testifies-at-prop-8-trial.html