It was 1998 and Bill Connington's sons were with their mother on a court-allowed visitation. That would be the last time he saw them. Jill Connington kidnapped her children on that day and fled Washington state. A warrant was issued for her arrest, but she evaded capture - until last week. In yet another fine display of mature parenting, she called the police last weekend and said she no longer wanted to be a mom. She didn't want to take care of her own children and was going to surrender.

Now the teen boys are in foster care and arrangements are being worked out to return them to their father. Something that is long overdue.

The "bad guy" in custody battles can be of either gender. Sometimes both. We really need a family law system that focuses on what is best for the child and in almost all cases, that is shared parenting time with a loving mom and dad.

Original news story: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/12/31/custody.arrest/index.html

Update (Dec. 30, 2009 5:45am PST)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/12/29/brazil.custody.dispute/index.html

We said we wouldn't be truly celebrating until Sean and David Goldman were "wheels up" and flying back to the United States. It was true. That was a great moment of relief and celebration. The family of kidnappers had dropped their appeals and the Goldmans were able to restart their lives in the U.S.

Now the kidnappers have issued a statement that the legal battle will continue and they will fight for Sean Goldman's "voice to be heard in court". When will they realize this is not in Sean's best interest. Being with his father is in his best interest. Finally escaping the drama they created is in his best interest.

Luckily, the Brazilian Courts no longer have any jurisdiction and there is no possibility for a legal remedy to satisfy the wishes of Sean's kidnappers. So, we should still be celebrating.

Update (Dec. 23, 2009 8:59am PST)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/12/23/brazil.custody.battle/index.html

Sean Goldman's Brazilian family has announced they will drop all appeals against the Supreme Court's ruling and they now hope for a peaceful arrangement in which Sean can be given to his Father.

This arrangement has been five years in the making and long overdue.

Update (Dec. 22, 2009 6:44pm PST)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/12/22/brazil.custody.battle/index.html

The Chief Justice of the Brazilian Supreme Court has decided that young Sean Goldman, the kidnapped American boy denied access to his Father, should be returned as soon as possible. His opinion finally echoes that of the Brazilian Attorney General who recognized Brazil's responsibilities under international law to end Sean's kidnapping.

The entire ProActiveDads staff and our supporters congratulate the Goldman family (its great to say that) and hope Sean and David will soon be on a plane home to the United States.

Update (Dec. 22, 2009 11:45am PST)
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,580792,00.html

The Brazilian Supreme Court has delayed their decision yet ANOTHER day. First it was Monday. Then it was Tuesday. Now they don't expect anything until tomorrow (Wednesday). I'd love to chastise them for the constant delays, but I'm not sure how often they check the ProActiveDads blog. But surely experienced legal minds can't be having an extreme amount of difficulty returning a kidnapped child to its parents. Is it really so complicated?

Update (Dec. 18, 2009 7:00pm PST)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/12/18/brazil.child.custody/index.html

The kidnapping family of young Sean Goldman's deceased mother has invited his father to their home for Christmas dinner. And to add a touch of romance to the entire disgusting event, the invitation was sent via their attorney. Nothing conveys the Christmas spirit like an attorney at a press conference!

Update (Dec. 17, 2009 3:30pm PST)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/12/17/goldman.brazil.custody/index.html

The Brazilian High Court has now suspended the lower court's order enabling Sean Goldman to return to the United States with his father. At this time, its unclear if the block is permanent or if further proceedings will occur soon. We will keep you posted as we hear additional developments.

*Original Blog Entry*

Yet another disgraceful example of a loving and responsible Father having to fight international courts to get custody of his son. Young Sean Goldman was kidnapped by his Mother when taken on a vacation to Brazil. She later remarried and died in a subsequent child birth. Since then, Sean's stepfather and his family have fought every legal effort by David to return the boy to the United States.

All done under the guise of "the best interests of the child", the stepfamily has held incredible sway with the Brazilian Courts and they have enabled and supported the kidnapping of this child. It is difficult to imagine the obstacles faced by Fathers in America and abroad to obtain custody of their children. Only those who have fought through the system can truly understand the pain, challenge, and expense of such fights.

But these fights are being carried out on a daily basis by capable and loving Dads who are truly looking out for what is best for their children. Denying a child access to a supportive and caring Dad is a true form of child abuse. Similarly, if Dads were unfairly denying such time to a supportive and caring Mom.

Parents and courts throughout the world not to stop using children as pawns in their own petty and selfish expressions of bias, prejudice, and anger.

TO HELP DAVID AND SEAN GOLDMAN:

You can find more information at the Bring Sean Home Foundation.

Facebook page: HELP US BRING SEAN GOLDMAN HOME

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/15/flu.vaccine.recall/index.html

Sanofi Pasteur is "voluntarily" recalling 800,000 doses of their H1N1 vaccine intended for toddlers. However, as you read the above linked article, notice how strongly and how many times they make the point that even if you're child received the useless vaccine, they're still safe. Nothing is wrong with it. It will still work.

I'm not a corrupt manufacturer making money from a flu vaccine scam, but I thought you only did recalls when things were ineffective or dangerous. Why else would they recall 800,000 doses of anything? Its a pretty expensive way of testing the guys in the mailroom!

It is my sincere hope that this episode shows parents around the country the fraud being perpetrated at the expense of our children. They will do anything to keep the positive PR rolling, even in the wake of a vaccine recall. According to the CDC, "we're very confident that children who received this vaccine are properly protected," they tell you. If that's the case, why recall them? Could it have something to do with the lack of testing and proper safety procedures for the H1N1 vaccine? Could it be that they are using only half (or less, in some cases) of the necessary ingredients to make the vaccine effective? Could it be the inclusion of synthesized chemicals called "adjuvants" which are cheap and less effective alternatives to actual vaccine ingredients?

Could be any of those things, I guess. But again, I'm not a corrupt manufacturer making money from a flu vaccine scam. I'll leave that up to the pros.

Moms and Dads parent differently. This shouldn't be a shock to most of you. It was probably evident soon after the birth of your baby when you wanted to do one thing with your new bundle of pride and joy and Mom wanted something else for her cute and cuddly darling. The differences in style can -and should- be stark as well as important. Those differences never go away and continue to appear with each moment of discipline, reward, adapation, or learning. They are critical to raising a well-rounded and socially prepared young adult.

With all of that being said, how does it affect the psychology of the parents? Its good for the child to see the behavioral differences between men and women. Its good for young boys and girls to see Mom as protective and supportive while Dad is more of a risk taker and rule enforcer. But life doesn't exist in a vacuum and neither do our choices. Moms and Dads, while still being unique individuals, must come together when it involves raising a child. And when they disagree, it has impact on more than just the kids.

For those in a traditional Dad role of primary breadwinner, there are few greater moments in the day than coming home to a smile, hug, and "hi" from your kids. Your duty of providing for the financial well-being of your family puts you in contrast with the desire to be home with them to nurture and play. So when those two worlds can come together, its a wonderful feeling. Mom has had the fortune to spend the day with the kids and see them walk, hear new words, bring home tests with gold stars, ask about going to a party, or some other event that is a milestone in the life of a child.

When Dad arrives, he has some catching up to do. What did Billy say today? How many steps did Joanna take? Did Noah ask that girl out? But the good moments aren't all that Mom has seen or cultivated. There are moments which need discipline as well. Sally threw her plate on the floor and throws temper tantrums. Elijah kicked the cat three times today. Brittany brought home another D+.

During those moments, it can be easy for a Dad to think, "If Mom wasn't so tolerant of bad behavior, it wouldn't be happening." In all honesty, that could be an accurate observation in some cases. It can also go both ways if Dad is the primary disciplinarian and/or stay-at-home parent. As I mentioned earlier, Mom is traditionally the one to provide protection and support while Dad is the rule guy. But he needs to remember that Mom is home all day with the behaviors and has probably used a variety of tools to deal with problems. Don't assume she sees bad behavior and says, "honey, Mommy would like you to stop that. But if you don't, I love you anyway." She's probably taken toys away, used time outs, and given stern lectures in volumes a notch or two above normal. When Dads see a bad behavior recurring, they should take the time to talk to Mom in private and see what has been tried. Neither of you is parenting alone.

It is always best for the child to see a unified front from the parents. Both rewards and discipline should be a team effort. Come to an agreement about how a situation will be handled. Have these discussions on a daily or weekly basis, even if a particular scenario hasn't happened yet. Nothing wrong with planning!

The important thing for Dad to remember is that it can be easy to blame Mom for a behavior, but it isn't always right. Talk about it first. You know the old adage about assuming. Mom may have tried your recommended approach already. She may have gone beyond your idea already. You won't know until you talk about it. If she has, discuss a new approach to curb the bad behavior. Whether your child is two or 12, they need a couple of parents who will work together and show them what it means to be a responsible young adult.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/12/09/sandra.bullock.custody/index.html
(image from www.celebrity-babies.com)

We like to see Dad's fighting for responsible parenting of their children and the courts actually agreeing with them. We wish Jesse James and his family the best of luck in reaching an equitable conclusion for the best of all involved.